Aurora Mushroom Pants

See, when you get old, you try to find trends that make you look younger. Not like a mushroom.

Skinny jeans are SO in right now. Especially with boots over them. I'm skinny enough, so I go running to my local Forever 21 (ahem...I'm 32) to get the most adorable pair of skinny jeans. Woo! Then, off to Steve Madden for this GREAT pair of heeled cowboy boots.

I get home, get on my outfit, look in the mirror, and I look like the picture over on the left. I even tried my favorite pair of boot cut jeans, stuffing the jeans down into the boots. Mushroom.

I've determined that my booty is just too darn big.

Don't get me wrong, I love my ghetto booty. A big booty is essential for checking chicks out of the crease in hockey, and my ace has taken some BIG chicks out. I even did squats and deadlifts back then to make that sucker a lethal weapon. Defense! Defense!

It looks damn good in boot leg or flare jeans. But, draw attention to the lack of calves, topped off with bubble butt: Mushroom.

I have had this amazing pair of cowboy boots for a YEAR now, and just can't bring myself to wear them. Every time, no matter what pair of jeans: Mushroom.

If you are a size 7 and wont look like Sputnik wearing them, they might love you more.